 Long time no talk! I took a break from the blog to focus on moving into my new home and begin wedding planning! I sometimes think I’m crazy for trying to plan a wedding the same year as buying a new house, but I tend to thrive on chaos and am taking it one day at a time!
A couple weeks post-move I came back from a much needed mini-getaway with my Mom and decided on the long drive home that I would start my first round of Whole 30. I’m a firm believer in “No time like the present” so instead of waiting until Monday, the first of the month or the first of the year I usually just start now. Like…right now (I’ll talk more about why this works for me at some point). So, on that ride home I started. I said no to the cream in my coffee, and started mentally planning my meals for the week. While I knew I wouldn’t have time to go to the grocery store that night, I had enough food to throw together a few meals for the following day and would make that my official first day of my Whole 30! My Why I had a few reasons for wanting to try a round of Whole 30. I did a trial run of 14 days a couple years ago, which I don’t like to talk about because if it isn’t an entire thirty days does it even count? The only thing I remember from it was being mad that I had to drink my coffee black and missing cheese…a lot. Fast forward to 2019 and between the recent selling of our old house and moving into the new one, I had definitely let my health become less of a priority. We were eating take-out, I was grabbing food on the go and while I think sometimes this is totally okay and necessary (and delicious), after a while you just want to fuel yourself properly. I was feeling sluggish, irritable and became a little too reliant on my nightly glass of red wine to de-stress. I couldn’t remember going a full month without wine in a long time. I figured this was the perfect opportunity to work on my coping mechanisms, and prove to myself that I had other, healthy ways in my back pocket to break out when I needed help after a stressful day. Lastly, that night when I got home and looked in the mirror I just looked…worn out. I was bloated and knew a clean-up was necessary for my mental and physical health. Week One: Food dreams are real. The first couple of days, while the detox from all of the junk I’d put into my body wasn’t as bad as I had imagined, it was still rough. I went from feeling motivated and energized on Day 1 to feeling irritable, sluggish and exhausted by day two and three. The weirdest part though were the recurring food dreams. I had come to a good place in my mental health journey where I allowed all foods into my diet so I often found myself during that first week of my Whole 3 wondering “Did I just eat (blank)?!” I began having the craziest recurring dreams about eating non-compliant foods then stopping dead in my tracks and remembering I wasn’t supposed to eat it. This lasted at least 5-7 days! In the daytime, I was constantly thinking about what I was eating-this is a recurring theme I’ll talk about throughout and something that I think is important to note about anyone who has a history of eating disorders or disordered eating. Being so hyper-focused on my food for this period of time, I ran the risk of regressing in my progress and developing back the food phobias I had worked so hard to overcome. This was something I was really focused on and had to constantly check-in with myself. I knew if I saw any of the serious warning signs I would have to stop the Whole 30 immediately. Week Two: Cookie angst By Week Two, I began to find my groove, but discovered how often pre-Whole 30 I relied on snacks and treats to fill different parts of my day. I always make sure to have snacks on hand (in my laptop bag, in my desk at work, in my purse, in my car). I use a hunger-fullness scale (like this one ) that my therapist recommended years ago. I began using it to ensure I was eating enough and not letting myself get into a restrict-binge cycle, and by keeping snacks on hand I am fully prepared. My go-to for the last year has been to get in my car after working my regular 9-5 and immediately open my commute home snack. While I can’t say I completely gave this up, I started to just not feel like eating the compliant foods I was bringing like apples, veggie sticks, nuts or compliant bars. I would ask myself “am I really hungry?” and think about the hunger-fullness scale and realize that this crutch I had come to rely on was more of a habit than an actual need for more food. And…guys. I cannot tell you how many times over the first couple weeks I was smacked in the face with this. There’s a question I began asking myself when I would want to dive head first into the pantry after dinner, which was “Are you hungry for more meat and vegetables?” If the answer was yes, I knew I was truly hungry and would eat more food. Most of the time, the answer was no and these moments were the hardest. THE HARDEST! I had to re-train my brain to not crave the 8pm post-dinner potato chips or the commute home vending machine cookies I had integrated into my regular diet. At one point, I sort of just stopped wanting food. I fell into a state of discontent, where no food sounded good and I would eat and say “eh, that’s enough” and just not care about eating the rest of my meal. As a lover of food, this, well, sucked. I knew I had to change my mentality around this Whole 30 or else I would not make it through. Week Three: Chicken parm without the parm The start of the third week, I found some recipes with elevated flavors that made me feel the way that I felt about eating before this crazy experiment. I had the brilliant idea of making chicken parmesan for my fiancé (one of his favorites) and I was bound and determined to make a version of it for myself. Here’s how it went: Parm-less Chicken Parm (this is why I’m not a food blogger) Chicken breast Tapioca Starch Coconut Flour Egg Seasoning (garlic powder, oregano, parsley) Nutritional Yeast Pound chicken so it’s evenly flattened. Set up three bowls: One with tapioca starch, one with whisked eggs and one with coconut flour mixed with seasonings and nutritional yeast. Dredge in tapioca starch, egg then coconut flour mixture. Pan fry until brown on both sides then bake at 350*F degrees for 20 minutes, depending on thickness of chicken. Top with compliant sauce and more nutritional yeast. Serve with veggies or veggie noodles! This was the first meal that I really had that feeling of “Yep…I can do this.” After this, I was much more focused on making my food taste comforting and delicious. I began to feel better mentally and physically, and truly felt like this was my sweet spot on this Whole 30. I became much more okay saying no to foods I couldn’t eat, my hunger began to level out and I began to really see the difference between true hunger and cravings. My taste buds seemed to really appreciate how delicious a fresh bowl of strawberries could be. Things looked and tasted brighter, sweeter and clear. I was sleeping well. I was happy to drink black coffee. I ate the most delicious steak. I felt like I could do this forever, but also could see how close I was to the finish line. Final Week: What now?! The home stretch of my Whole 30 came with mixed emotions. On the one hand, while it felt like I had been on this journey forever (I cannot begin to tell you how slow those thirty days went by) while on the other, I couldn’t imagine what my life would look like by Day 31. I began to think about what foods I’d introduce first, how I would feel and if I would even like the taste of wine anymore?! What if I just ate this way forever? Can’t I just stay in this Whole 30 bubble where it’s warm and safe and I know what the rules are? These thoughts consumed my last few days and bring me to a really important point in this whole journey: Food rules are not always a good thing. I developed severe disordered eating issues out of years of attempting to control the food I put into my body, and have the therapy session invoices to prove it. The more I tried to control, the more I felt out of control. Those feelings I had years ago began to come back as I grew fearful of what life would look like once this journey ended, and that scared me. A lot. Instead of being excited to finish and indulge in a charcuterie plate, I was wondering if I should just continue and make it a Whole 60. Would a Whole forever be that bad?! After a lot of real talk with myself, I came to accept that this end was a good thing and the feelings I was having were totally normal. Overall, I had a lot of wins through this experience, including…
Would I recommend Whole 30 to friends, family or clients? Absolutely! Would I ever attempt a Whole 30 again? Most definitely. I have the experience and tools now to know where my do-differently moments might be, and having this round under my belt I know would make any future rounds much easier. While I do support this way of eating, I recommend anyone with a history of mental health issues surrounding food to discuss this with a medical or mental health professional before starting to make sure it’s the right decision for you. Also…black coffee really isn’t all that bad. In love and health, Kacie Leigh
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